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Adoption is a chaotic rollercoaster of emotions. It doesn’t matter if you are adopting privately or from foster care: emotions run wild.  You can be the most level headed, self-controlled woman and the adoption process will turn you inside out. Even when you have been through it before, each adoption is different and your emotions will get out of control periodically. Today is one of those out of control days for me.

This is not my first rodeo. We have adopted twice before, once from foster care and one a familial adoption. We have been through the opening process in three different states now, so nothing should get to me but it does. I am tired of waiting. I am ready to move forward. I am tired for the children who are waiting. My heart breaks that children needs homes so badly and there just are not enough people willing. Yes. Today it is all getting to me. Every. Single. Small. Thing.

It’s days like today that I am glad I have Jesus and Yoga.  There is only one place I can go in times like this where my nerves are calmed, my mind is put at ease and peace fills my soul: flat on my back at the feet of Jesus. I’ll be honest, sometimes its flat on my face in a puddle of tears but today is not that kind of day. Today is just a day in need of solace. A day to let go of what is and will be and instead just be in the presence of the Lord.

Today, in the middle of the wilderness, I am choosing to lay down, close my eyes, breathe deeply and allow the presence of the Holy Spirit to comfort my worn out soul.

In the middle of storms Jesus was able to lay down and rest. He was able to sleep!!!  Matthew 8:24-27 tells us “Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”  So why am I losing sleep?  Why am I getting anxious and antsy?  Fidgeting and unable to focus. The ONE who calmed those seas is the ONE who has orchestrated my entire life, including this adoption. Everything is OK. Everything is working in His timing. Who am I, the one of little faith, to question His timing?

So it is obviously time for me to strengthen the faith at the feet of Jesus. Today. my yoga practice will be a simple one. It will exist of Shavasana. Thats it. No need for anything else. Just me and Jesus in a place of quiet and stillness. It is a reminder of what will soon be. Shavasana is usually practiced at the end of my yoga sessions but today is will be my WHOLE practice as I lie flat on my back with my heels spread as wide as the yoga mat and my arms a few inches away from my body, palms facing upwards.

Palms facing upward. Ready to receive His presence. Ready to receive His comfort. Ready to receive His guidance because the end of the wait will be coming soon and I will need to be prepared for the new beginning.  So today I choose to be still and listen. Just be still and listen.

He is God. His will be done. His presence my guiding light.

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