Space. Isn’t it oddly intriguing how often space dictates our feelings? When we feel crowded we want others to give us space. When we want love we invite them back into our space. When we need acceptance we will search for that space that fits us well. It surrounds us every day yet we often overlook the importance of space.
Fifteen years ago I had the “perfect” space. It was this tiny little oddity of a closet off our master bedroom at Eglin AFB in Florida. It had no place to hang clothes. There was no shelving. It was just a room off the master bedroom. I loved it. It became my sanctuary. It was my space where I went to express my deepest feelings to Jesus as I moved and breathed through different asanas.
It wasn’t fancy. It was simple and clear of clutter. There was no distraction. It was quiet and peaceful. It was my space. Outside that room my space was also quite charming and tranquil. My marriage was dreamy. My children were happy. I had a community that meshed extremely well within my soul. Life was good and my space was amazingly beautiful…but….life has its way of tossing a space in a second. Just like the 4 hurricanes I endured that year, life swept in and took away my space.
I have been searching for it ever since.
I have searched and felt unsettled for the past 15 years. Its not a feeling easily shaken off. I set up many new yoga rooms and the peace was not there. The space that surrounds me in my own life has been chaotic, and that is putting it mildly. Incurable illness, tension in my marriage, three adoptions, 8 moves to different states and countless moves within each state, children lashing out at life through drugs and alcohol, and death are just the “highlights” of the past 15 years. The time in between those “highlights” were often nightmarish and heartbreaking. No yoga room could ever provide the peace I needed. My space was a spiral of despair and I was entrenched firmly. My walls were built strong and my defenses were in full force. I even took out a few bridges just for insurance. I was hit hard but I stood strong…not because of a yoga space but because of God’s grace.
There is absolutely no other reason I am here writing this today other than by the grace of God and His presence in my space. Without Him I would have succumbed to the fragility of human emotion. As I look back today, I realize it wasn’t the room that brought the peace, it was God’s presence in that room. That room was a refuge from the many years of abuse I suffered prior to meeting my husband. It was a space of release and, at times, a place of waiting. Above all, it was a space that I invited God to enter and focus specifically on Him.
It was just a space and I no longer need a specific room to have that same space. I simply need to invite Him in wherever I may be because space surrounds me everywhere I go. Peace comes into that space when the Spirit enters it. It is that simple. Space is life and life lived in the presence of God is space well used.